I Love You

I have 3 words for you. I Love You. I love these words. They define me. I hate it when people tell random people that they don't hardly even know, that they love them. Love is not just an adjective its a noun a verb a pronoun a everything. Why would you want to tell everyone that you love them when you don't know them? Yeah, God does say to love everyone but that does not mean tell some strange person that you love them. Maybe you do but oh well. I (being the strange one that i am) don't tell i love you to anyone. If i love you then I'll say it. Its not often. If i do love you..a lot...then you will hear it a lot , and then just the opposite.
Its just like money in my mind. If people kept on making money, just non stop making money then yes everyone would have millions of dollar bills but they wouldn't be worth as much. see? If i say i love you to everyone i see then when i really really love someone it does not mean as much because everyone hears it. Well there is my spill.
word up ;)
Heather <3

IT's not over

How is it that people can be so emotional ?? How can people like 2 people at one time.?? why?? its just not fair. Its just weird. I have had feelings for more than one person at a time but it wasn't for long. My reason is that God put one of those people in my life to get me completely over some bad things going on in my life. Now my life is back to normal and i don't know what to do with it. I can't keep my feeling under control. The one second i think I'm okay and our relationship is okay i lash out and scream and cry and wow. So why does this happen? It isn't fair the person or either of the 2 culprets. People should just make up there dead gum mind and then go for it. Because Heather is tired of wishy washy people who never decide on something and live for months confusing everyone around them. Wake up people and realize that you can only marry one person so pick carefully. And seriously don't tell someone you like them and then don't let them know when you don't like them anymore. Its sycotic!! You may need to know that it hurts. That maybe I do still care. Even if i make up the exscuses that I don't. I still want to be with you, but you are going to have to make up your mind or things will get bad. Because I don't handle goodbye's very well anymore. So another one would just be going into my heart because I've been forgotten by many people so thats not what i care about its only that you take the time to confuse me and lie. and its confusing. :D

Your self-confidence boost has arrived!!

[ insert name here ] this would be the name of my buddy. My buddy has a disease it is called "adafracalistrio" [ADA-fra(with the :) on top)-callie-stree-O] This person has and extremely bad case of this and i'm about to describe the symptoms of it.

Appearance : You might have brown eyes and probably are of the tall region.

Attitude:You will think that everyone is better than you and you won't believe the person/people that are completely-correct-about-the-matter who tell you otherwise.

Personality: You will be a very happy person. Practically everyone you meet (or talk to) will love you. seriously. You will have many close friends that you could tell secrets to and you will most likely have the coolest girlfriend in the entire world. One thing you don't know is that you are the happiest thing that has happened to her in a long time. YOU, being the paranoid self that you are will have so many doubts about her even when you shouldn't.

OK so now i will tell you something that could possibly (and it will or it better) change your opinion on this.

You are one of the coolest people i know and honestly i don't care what you think of yourself because you are and awesome friend. I'm so glad that we are friends and no dear i really don't think they are cooler than you. I don't even know them how could i think that? I'm not a jerk. I am not going to meet them and leave in the dirt because i know how that feels. I see people every single day of my life that in my opinion are cooler than me. They have gotten things that i have so badly wanted because people obviously thought they were better than me.

Maybe they are cool but "cooler" or "better" is going to far.I mean really. I'm not kidding when i say this so do not take it the wrong way AT ALL. its only what i say it is and nothing more. Have you ever thought that the only reason people think that they are better is because that is how you make them out to be? If everyone else thinks that you are madly in love with there total awsomeness then they are going to agree with you, when in the end your getting hurt because of it.I am not saying that you shouldn't talk about them or compliment them but you kinda talk about them like they are God or something. NO not that much but you put them so much higher than yourself that it kinda seems like you compare yourself to dirt.

You are a lot of things but dirt?? um no. You are a really really really cool person and just because someone is cool doesn't mean there cooler than you. Just because you might be related doesn't mean your exactly alike which means that you can't compare all of your characteristics to them. You are so much better than them in different ways. From my perspective you are better than them in every way because i do not know them. And sorry but i'm going to jump to conclusions of them just because of them. Maybe I don't believe you, maybe i don't believe that they can be cooler because you are pretty awesome as it is.

So you must belive this. And i don't want to here another peep of this "probablem" you understand me?? oh and whatever i say i say in love. always.

ok *sigh* YOU ARE MADE FROM GOD!!!!!! DON'T YOU THINK THAT IS COOL?? HIS HANDS TOUGHED YOU AND MADE YOU!! Is that not enough to rock your world? He made you just like you. nobody else in the entire world of ever worldness is like you and there is no one that is good enough to compare yourself to. I was going through a tough time and you brightend me up. Would your brothers have done that? would they have started talking to one of their friends friends that they have no idea who she is and become her friend and talk to her? UMM i'm kinda thinking not. That is what makes you special. You are outgoing and fun to be around and likeable and nice and friendly and could change some one's mood in a heart beat. you have a great taste in music and you Love the Lord. Your good looking and compasionate. You care about people and respect them. You have a wonderful personallity and you don't care about what people think about you. You are brave and strong and you don't get scared and chicken out over stupid stuff.

I hope this changes your mind atleast some if not all. Because every word is true and you should believe it all.

Totally Randomness

Hello again.
I'm going to to say a word and think in your head a one word definition for it. ready?
flower=?
food=?
boys/girls =?
well what did you come up with? Everyone has a different answer, even if its almost exact or total opposites. Like flower for instance. Guys might think flowers are girly or weird or some might think they are beautiful or romantic. Girls on the other hand have about the same taste in flowers as guys. its a difference. moving on to food. I'm a huge fan of food. if you know me you will know that I don't share... rarely ever, and i eat at all hours about pretty much anything. (except cold pizza for breakfast that just grosses me out) But i know people who don't like to try new things or eat all the time for whatever reason. yeah it makes me sad but on the good side i get a larger portion. :P Its always nice to find yourself having a bad day for whatever reason and then end your day with eating and sleeping.
Just like flowers and food, guys and girls are the same. Each guy or girl has a different "taste" in there mate lol, they might have similar interest but there will be one difference. There will something about them that you like that maybe your best friend doesn't see. That's the difference. The thing with difference is you will disagree and you can't just change your mind on what you think of somebody just because nobody else likes them.

I personally have that problem but that's another story in itself. i like difference it gives people personality and talent. because if everyone is just like you in every way then your no one. That's why we are all made different no one is the exact same. we all have a different opinion on things whether or not we see them through all the time. and some times it might not be what you want to here or what you think is best for that person but you have to let them do it.because most people have to learn the hard way before they will understand.

Ripple Effect

Sometimes opportunities come knocking at the door and you can't decide whether or not to answer and let them come in or just ignore it. Sometimes you are told one thing and then shown another. Sometimes you are just confused. My life is wonderful right now and I wouldn't complain because in a whole, I'm just happy. This is how I normally am. But inside my head, i have those little wheels and gears turning and nothing in there really makes sense. Its mostly just fairy tales and my wonder full imagination of great or horrible things that could happen.I though, am a risk taker. That doesn't mean I'm always doing bad things but i like to try new foods or new people or new places. I have a problem though, I become shy and quiet around the people I know the absolute best. I could walk up to any (normal looking) person and carry on a conversation, then walk off with someone very close and be speechless.
I guess what it is, is that I will most likely never see that person for a long time or ever again. So i could talk about anything. But anything and everything i say in front of someone close to me well they could hold that against me for my entire life. I'm not saying at all that i don't talk to my best friends or family. I do. A lot. I could talk for hours to them. I guess my point that I'm trying to make is that I like to keep a lot of myself between me, my head, and God. He won't hold anything against me ever. My closest peoples wouldn't but as i have come to realize, people aren't your friend forever. They move or die or change schools or something. Or simply just starting hating each other and never speak again :P. So I'm not going to give away all my problems and issues for people to think about when its either A. none of there business
B. they have to big of a mouth
or C. Secrets are called secrets for a reason.
:) I know this was kinda random but hey its a BLOG right??

1234
Heather!

[i don't have a name for this one yet]

I cringe at the thought of seeing you,
but yet i do it everyday.
Hearing your voice would be suicide,
all though you called me.
Feeling your warm embrace again
would be like cutting a bare heart.
Staring into your chocolate brown eyes and
telling you goodbye one more time.. is unattainable now,
I freed myself from the death grip you held on me,
even though you willingly let go.
I was the murderer while i searched for
my killer.
Yes!! everyday i think of you, everday i regret you, everyday i miss you, everday i see you or hear or say or write your name.
Most days i don't care, most days i wish you were here.
Few days i long to see you again, few days i become jealous of your other friends,
Every now and then I hate you
Forever I forgive.
never will i forive myself.

5/04/09

What do you sing?

I wrote this about a month ago.

What is your song? Do you know what i mean, well i'll explain it.

The song to your heart. The things you really want to do deep down but you really just haven't mentioned it to anyone yet.

Is it written. Do you know that you want to do these things? Or are do you need to get a pen and paper and really ponder it?

Only you can be the writer. Don't let people convince you of things you don't want. Because you get into a bigger mess than needed.

How often do you sing it? Do people besides your close family and friends see the real you? Are you yourself in front of the one you love the most?

The lyrics are every thought you make. Not only do you know your thoughts but so does God. Everytime you think of something bad, remember He heard it. (ps. its the same as sinning)

SO!
[fill in the blank]

What do you think about?
Who do you normally think about?
When do you think about you thoughts?
Where are you when you think?
Why do you think about your probablems?
Are there only certain people you tell things to?
Who is in your heart?

just some things to think about.

Explaining Things

Before I write anything more I would like to take the time to let you all know that I'm not going emo, or into some state of depression. lol I was having a hard time adjusting to some things lately and my way of venting was to write it all out. Nothing is wrong with me now. I'm ok but I just thought i would let you know. Thanks for your prayers and consideration. I appreciate the notes. :)
Luv ya
Heather!

Permanently There

I love you with Passion, so very deep
You despised me and gave nothing to keep
I held onto my hope, and was very persistent
Eventually you became like an infant
Your thoughts weren't clear and everything you said to me was almost in a different language.
I know we were falling off the edge
So i tried to calm down and remember you different The memories of you I want to forget.
but i walk down my street and your there.
i tun on the TV, and your there
i read a book , your there
i try to focus but your all i think about
i listen to a song or band , your there
i eat or drink, your there
i think and sleep and breathe!! YOUR THERE!
leave me alone.
You are permanently engraved in my mind. Its no on purpose. I don't want you there. I have no feelings in my entire body for you what so ever. You have left me physically so leave me mentally.
please.

SO..

So! this blog is mainly going to be poems that i have written. They aren't really good, but they help me express myself in different times. and then at random times you will get a run down of something random. like what i did today or something big that happend or that is going to happen. :)
also. i really have no idea why i named this blog what i did. it has no purpose. well at the time it kinda reminded me of something i once wrote but anyway. well i hope you ....)...in other words me( lol enjoy this