[i don't have a name for this one yet]

I cringe at the thought of seeing you,
but yet i do it everyday.
Hearing your voice would be suicide,
all though you called me.
Feeling your warm embrace again
would be like cutting a bare heart.
Staring into your chocolate brown eyes and
telling you goodbye one more time.. is unattainable now,
I freed myself from the death grip you held on me,
even though you willingly let go.
I was the murderer while i searched for
my killer.
Yes!! everyday i think of you, everday i regret you, everyday i miss you, everday i see you or hear or say or write your name.
Most days i don't care, most days i wish you were here.
Few days i long to see you again, few days i become jealous of your other friends,
Every now and then I hate you
Forever I forgive.
never will i forive myself.

5/04/09

What do you sing?

I wrote this about a month ago.

What is your song? Do you know what i mean, well i'll explain it.

The song to your heart. The things you really want to do deep down but you really just haven't mentioned it to anyone yet.

Is it written. Do you know that you want to do these things? Or are do you need to get a pen and paper and really ponder it?

Only you can be the writer. Don't let people convince you of things you don't want. Because you get into a bigger mess than needed.

How often do you sing it? Do people besides your close family and friends see the real you? Are you yourself in front of the one you love the most?

The lyrics are every thought you make. Not only do you know your thoughts but so does God. Everytime you think of something bad, remember He heard it. (ps. its the same as sinning)

SO!
[fill in the blank]

What do you think about?
Who do you normally think about?
When do you think about you thoughts?
Where are you when you think?
Why do you think about your probablems?
Are there only certain people you tell things to?
Who is in your heart?

just some things to think about.

Explaining Things

Before I write anything more I would like to take the time to let you all know that I'm not going emo, or into some state of depression. lol I was having a hard time adjusting to some things lately and my way of venting was to write it all out. Nothing is wrong with me now. I'm ok but I just thought i would let you know. Thanks for your prayers and consideration. I appreciate the notes. :)
Luv ya
Heather!

Permanently There

I love you with Passion, so very deep
You despised me and gave nothing to keep
I held onto my hope, and was very persistent
Eventually you became like an infant
Your thoughts weren't clear and everything you said to me was almost in a different language.
I know we were falling off the edge
So i tried to calm down and remember you different The memories of you I want to forget.
but i walk down my street and your there.
i tun on the TV, and your there
i read a book , your there
i try to focus but your all i think about
i listen to a song or band , your there
i eat or drink, your there
i think and sleep and breathe!! YOUR THERE!
leave me alone.
You are permanently engraved in my mind. Its no on purpose. I don't want you there. I have no feelings in my entire body for you what so ever. You have left me physically so leave me mentally.
please.

SO..

So! this blog is mainly going to be poems that i have written. They aren't really good, but they help me express myself in different times. and then at random times you will get a run down of something random. like what i did today or something big that happend or that is going to happen. :)
also. i really have no idea why i named this blog what i did. it has no purpose. well at the time it kinda reminded me of something i once wrote but anyway. well i hope you ....)...in other words me( lol enjoy this